Yesterday my mom and I drove past Mayfield Road, and I had a flashback of Sam driving me to the hospital one year earlier, on my exact due date, after my water had broken while walking Bruiser. I remember what I was feeling then: excitement, nervousness, and panic all at once. I was ready only I wasn’t.
Nothing can prepare you for the first moment you see your baby. People will tell you it’s the greatest moment and you politely listen and nod your head, but until it happens to you, it just doesn’t make sense. After 23 hours of labor, I got to look at Charlotte only for a few seconds before they took her to the NICU. Those seconds changed my entire life. I still remember exactly how her face looked, and the way her eyes glistened as she searched for my face.
A few hours later I finally got to hold Charlotte. I was in my happy place now. She was such a tiny little peanut – weighing only 6 lbs. 6 oz. (the doctor had said she’d probably be mid 8’s!) Her skin was so soft and delicate and I hated all of the wires and monitors they had on her.
A year later, I still have that same feeling when I hold her and rock her to sleep each night. I am so thankful for Charlotte, and for all that she has taught me over the past year. If you had told me one year later that I’d still be nursing her I wouldn’t have believed it, but I made it! A high five and a pat on the back to all of you breastfeeding moms out there – it’s like having another full time job! Nursing Charlotte and co-sleeping with her only made our bond that much stronger. I finally moved her to her crib full-time at 9.5 months and there are still nights I wake up and wish her warm, snuggly body was next to mine.
I was checking out at Michael’s yesterday (loading up on first birthday party gear as you might imagine) and the cashier asked me what all happens to a baby in their first year. “A whole lot,” I told her. I proceeded to tell her about Charlotte’s first word (dada), learning to crawl, her first foods, her first trips out of the house, her first vacations (Grand Cayman and Oak Island, NC), and eventually her first steps just a few weeks ago. So much has happened in the past year that it’s easy to forget.
Right now Charlotte can take about 7-8 steps on her own. She gets into just about everything, including trying to open the kitchen cabinets and trying to eat Bruiser’s dog food, so constant monitoring is a must! She is still experimenting with finger foods – last night she seemed to love Ritz Crackers (one of my sis’ faves growing up). She loves bath time and story time at night – and goes down so easy for me at bedtime now - lots of hugs and kisses and she snuggles right into the nook in her crib and curls up and is off to snooze land.
One time a dear friend and I had a conversation where we contemplated what babies dream about. “Boobs,” she said. “A heaven filled with boobs where they just bounce from one to the next!” This makes me laugh to this day thinking about that.
This past year was a great experience for me personally. From learning to deal with a sick baby, to sending her to school, to the daily care she needs, I have grown so very much. I am thankful for my family, especially my mom, who has helped me immensely in this first year. From coming up at a moment’s notice when Sam and I were stricken with the flu at the same time, to teaching Charlotte new words, to just being the loving grandma she is, I am so grateful those two are as close as they are.
A huge thank you to my husband, Sam, for being such a great dad to Charlotte and for supporting me all the time. I wouldn't have made it this first year without your dry sense of humor, breast pump jokes, and all of the cooking! You kept me fed for a year! Love you, hun!
Now that I’m basically in tears (which is the new norm for me these days) I’m going to leave you with some of my favorite photos of Charlotte’s first year.
Hugs to you all and thanks to everyone for all of the support in this first year.
Love,
Amanda
